dear blog...

it's been so long time i didnt write and even just open my blog. and now..it's late at night and i really dont know with whom I should share.

I have a big problem with my mom. i dont know why..but if i can make a confession here..im not comfort with her. we are not match each other. im 20 years old and i thaught i have grow up to live my own life.

She never understand me. Some people always see me like im the lucky girl in this world. hmm...if u guys here around me u will talked like tat too. why? lets i gettin start describe about my life and how it goes.

Im the only one children. i have a complete family,not a broken home. i have graduated well from my college...and now im already worked. my momz is a career women..she is a great and well known pschiatry in my town. and so does my father. he was a hardworker one.

so...people always see me.."wow..how lucky u are airin"

BUt wat they see doesnt always true. im not happy with my life. and oftenly i felt i hate this life..if i can choose, i better not born to this world. why i should not happy? my parents rarely ignore me and care about me. they dont care about me.

And today i have fighted with my moms...she yelled at me when i have meeting this morning. Oh my God..everybody can listen. im so tired. im so tired to heard her yelled. im not a children anymore. she cant talk slowly to me. every single things can become a big things to her.. and if she angry, she started said something which is have a meaning "u stupid girl"

Today i thaught she cried. only because i took out her jacket from my bag. she said i dont care. she said im selfish..etc..and as usual she kept yelled..

it just a simple things...just about a jacket. why should she talked to me like that.

i wanna run. i wanna move to another country. but how. i have no money. i have no worked. if i still stay here....i will always feelin hurt.

I love her so much. but she always have a negative thinking to me. she walk with her own conclusion.

I just tired. I just wanna hope someday she understand me.

i wanna run..huhuhuhuu...